When I was a kid my father was very proud of my singing skills and in the flow of the motions he sometimes used to kinda brag about my “Talent” in front of guests visiting our house or vice versa but that’s wasn’t enough, he used to further go on and ask me to sing a song for them and like an obedient Son I used to start barking upon hearing the word “sing” from my father , I didn’t realize how terrible I was until one day someone made a video while I was singing a song with friends in one of those college parties where People get hammered and start doing shit no one should ever do, not even in private, much like my singing which I can’t even afford to do in private cause I might end up hurting my own ears. My voice was like a Fat Lady burping 2 days old Pizza and I am sure my singing to audience’s ears is pretty much equivalent of rotten eggs to Nose.
That Video Made me realized what a pain in the ear and rear I was to my audience. So when this topic came in my mind I thought there should be some ground rules for bathroom singers like us so as to keep people’s faith in music alive.
Rule No. 1 – Sing when you are alone
This is just a basic ground rule for bathroom singing, some things should only be done when you are alone especially in College Hostel Common bathrooms, and Singing is one of them. Because you might destroy the mood of the person in adjacent bathroom who decided to go for a happy time while in shower if you know what I mean, because when you sing you sound like a cross over between Rani Mukherjee’s Voice and Batman’s Gargling. WHERE ARE THEY???(Read it in Batman’s Voice, I am sure most of you can)
Rule No. 2 – Always say “No” to Antakshari
You know what’s fun on college road trips, Antakrshiri but only when you have girls in your group or you might end up looking like a Homo for suggesting antakshari as a recreational activity. But if you do have girls on your road trip and by any chance your crush is also a part it and you aren’t as bad in looks as your Singing talent then you might hamper your chance of hooking up with her if you dare to open your mouth to impress her with your voice just because you think that you have practiced enough of singing in your bathroom and now you can even teach the art to others. Piece of advice- Just don’t or you will end up in her friend zone or worse, brother zone or worse, you won’t even exist for her once she hear you farting from your mouth because that’s what you actually sound like.
Rule No. 3 – Be true to yourself
“Did you know that our brain makes us see ourselves 5 times more beautiful in mirrors than we really are?”
Now it may be a bogus fact, I read it somewhere and we all know that Mirrors are scumbags, Hollywood even made 2 horror movies called Mirror to show how big assholes these mirrors are but you know who is a bigger scumbag than mirror is, Our Brain. This little Bastard on our top floor play tricks on us all the time, for example “the Pinocchio illusion.” The Pinocchio Illusion is an illusion that one’s nose is growing longer (Source- Wikipedia, Duh) and I don’t know what other things our brain hides, maybe we all have well toned six pack abs body but this scumbag is making us look fat in mirror (ok that was a bad example) but think again may be our voice sound so good to us in bathroom because our brain is hiding the reality.
Someone had to become Neo to save us from the Machine world (Brain).
So before you Kick start your little rock show always be sure that you are fit enough to sing.
This is Prakhar Gupta, Have a nice day & give me a ring when you are about to sing Coz Ring ring ring, di di ding( God, I am bad in Rap too)