“You Should Get Married”

THE BEGINNING:

“There is this girl”, shouted my ecstatic ma while preparing my lunch, “She is from Delhi and she is very beautiful, I have seen her pictures”

“Ok, good for her but what this has to do with me anyway”, I replied nervously while praying that she won’t talk about my marriage AGAIN.

My Mother has been over excited about my marriage since the Birth of Nishka,My sister’s beautiful, chubby cheeks and the most cutest daughter, She has just became a Nani and now she wants to be a Dadi, a huge burden resting on my shoulders.

“We are not talking about my marriage again, I am only 23 turning 24 on 29th June and on papers I am only 22 and its illegal for a guy to get married before 24 and even girls should not get married before 24”,I said while stopping my ma’s hand to pour Desi ghee in sukhi sabji.

“Why are you stopping my hand, Prakhar?”

“You have already poured tons of ghee in my dal and applied almost a liter in my chapattis and who pours ghee in sukhi sabji?”

“Every mom in this world who loves her kids”.

I couldn’t argue over that, MA KA PYAR is something which you just can’t debate over, esp. with your mom. But MA KA PYAR is sometimes injurious to health.

“So you don’t want to get married?”Asked my ma again, dragging us back to the topic

“No I don’t want to marry any girl”.

“Huh, are you ok, I mean are you normal?”

“I am straight, I am not interested in boys, ma, and yes I want to marry a girl but not now and now can you please change the topic”.

 

SAME DAY:

“Why you haven’t shaved, it looks like that you haven’t shaved since last week. Is everything ok at work? You look a bit tired too and not to mention the tense look on your face. What’s wrong?”Inquired my father.

“Everything is fine, I was busy at work, nothing much”. I replied or rather say I lied, nothing good was happening at work, every single part of me hated my job, my workplace, my boss but I didn’t want to upset my father.

“Good, so why don’t you go to a barber shop get a nice hair cut, get a makeover or facial or whatever you call it and come back home neat and clean”. Ordered my father.

It was weird to hear such words from my father, as far as I remembered, he used to love my stubble look, and in fact he always encouraged me to have mustaches.

“But you always loved this look, didn’t you and the function is tomorrow then why should I go for shaving today?”

“Yes I love that look but not today, and stop asking so many questions, we are not playing KBC over here, do as I say”.

 

LATER IN THE EVENING:

“Where are you, Come back home, it’s getting late,” Shouted my Ma on Phone.

“I just came here at my friend’s place and it’s not even dark yet, I can still see the sun, why are you getting paranoid ma?”

“I don’t know about that, come back home and remember what your father said; I don’t want to see that ugly stubble on your face.”

 Sherlock Holmes inside me quickly put together all the clues to form a meaning full Conclusion

Ma wants me to get married > Papa wants me to look nice > Ma wants me to come back home soon that too looking neat and clean.

The Case was crystal clear. The Delhi girl, my Ma mentioned, is waiting for me at my home with her parents. Which means that I will say no to marriage, then add her on facebook and can flirt with her. And it is my duty to bring my A-Game. I rushed to the nearest salon, asked him to repair my face with every possible solution he had. After Facial, scrub, 1 hour and 500 INR Later, he succeeded in making me look tolerable.

“Looking good,” He said like a doctor who just came out from operation theatre after a 24 hour long plastic surgery.

“Just good?”

I paid him 500 Rupees to hear just Good.

“I mean Great Bhaiya, looking great,” he sensed my anger and also the 500 rupee note I gave him.

I dashed my way home as fast as my Old Bike Could. Got off the bike, got myself together before opening the gate.

“Prakhar Gupta, there is a girl inside whom your parents want you to get married but instead you are going to say no, add her on Facebook and you are good to go, this is the easiest way to hook up with a girl and you are having the consent of your parents and her parents to do so,” I said to myself, like an inspirational speech.

Earlier it used to be a kick on the door but to show sophistication and other stupid manners I gently pushed the door, and went straight to the drawing room.

To my surprise, there was no girl but only a fat aunty of that girl and since I don’t remember her name so for reference we will call her “Moti Aunty”.

I did all the Hi, hello and Namaste Formalities with Moti Aunty and went back to my room. I was angry mainly because I wasted 500 rupees to do all that facial and scrub and secondly because I was disgusted at myself. I shouldn’t be thinking about hitting on a girl who is coming to my home because her parents wants her to get married and eventually she will get married to someone one day.

I told my parents to hold their imaginations as I am not ready for such a big commitment for the next thousand years. To which my parents gave me 3 years top and after that they won’t listen a single word and will set me up with a village girl as a punishment. I know they are bluffing but I don’t want to take that risk unless that village girl is similar to the village girls of 70’s movie and they were kinda hot.

This is Prakhar Gupta.Have a nice day.

THE END? (Hopefully for 3 years)

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