I was an Indian,Till i went to South…..

*”This piece of literature is completely nonfictional and each and every incident happened for real.Any resemblance of this incident or rather say discrimination on the basis of your native region is just a normal day to day activity for north Indian people living in South or vice versa and not a mere coincidence.”

To begin with, I would like to clarify that I don’t hold any grudges against any caste, color, religion or person from any other region. I still remember our “All Indians are my Brothers and that’s it” Pledge I used to blabber out every morning in school assembly and I mean every word of it except the sister part where I have to swear that I will look upon every Indian girl as my sister even my future wife. (Side Bar- which genius came up with “all Indians are my brothers and sisters” thing, if that’s true than was he planning to marry his own sister? this pledge is the most sadistic, sick and unmoral part of our Indian constitution).

Back to the story, in the summers of 2009 I paid a visit to my sister’s house in Bengaluru (previously Bangalore, and assuming by both the names of this beautiful city, the city naming authorities must been full of perverts who came up with a name which start with the word “BANG”,I have to say, Bang up job guys).I fell in love with the city as soon as my feet touched the ground of this city, the weather, the greenery and other stuff, now I can totally be a nerd and write in details about the weather and greenery but that would not prove my point, so in short Bengaluru is all about awesome weather perfect for going on long bike rides(since I made my trip in 2009,so I am writing this blog based on the climatic conditions prevailing back then, currently as I have been told, the good old weather of bengaluru is not as awesome as it used to be).

It was my birthday, 29th June 2009, My sister and brother in law decided to took me to a dinner to their favorite restaurant and since my sister,ila, is just as I am which means lazy, she forgot to give my jeans for laundry to local washer man aka DHOBI.I had to rush to washer man, (wait, It’s important for story, my sister knew few words of kannad and that primitive washer man knew not a single word of Hindi or English so those few kannad words always helped my sister to formulate broken kannad sentences and deal with washer man and I didn’t knew anything about this, ok back to story) so ,I went to his
shop which looked deserted except for two skinny dudes in lungis ironing clothes on their respective workstations, so I gave my jeans to him, asked him, both in English and Hindi, to wash and iron my jeans while thinking that he might understand one of the language and there he was staring at me in amusement as if I was some sort of alien monster from outer space speaking gibberish so after speaking something in kannad which I suppose were “Screw you, north Indian”, and signaling no by hand motion he and his lungi partner had a good laugh and start doing their work.

I don’t know what provoked me, his ugly ass mustache or his ear shattering laugh, I ordered him to launder my jeans and in return I would pay him five times more he charges on laundry, that Son of a bitch laughed again and this time his laugh was not only shattering my ear drums but it was clearly shattering my pride. In a fit of rage, I shouted at the top of my voice when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulders, I turned around to see a demonic figure of about 6 n half feet height, eyes glowing red with hell fire peeking through them at me, mustaches which can beat the shit out of mustaches of veerappan and Nathu Lal (who even had Amitabh Bacchan’s reference “muche ho to Nathu Lal jaisi ho, warna na ho”), He leaned forward towards me while I was praying to God that he wouldn’t kiss me as a punishment and in a very clear and correct accent, he uttered “Humhare area Mein aaya hai toh Kannad sikh le,wanra yahan se bhaga denge”

“Inner-Angry” me wanted to punch him, stab him, cut his cojones (testicles) and feed him with Sāmbhar and Coconut chutney for breakfast but the “Outer-Sensible” me clearly knows that violence won’t lead to solution or if I put it in a right way than I first became numb and then a pussy when I saw two of his friends with similar demonic facial characteristics approaching me and I don’t want them to cut my birthday cake right in the middle of a road, so I decided to wash and iron my jeans by myself before they wash and iron the shit out of me that too on my birthday.

It took me months to recover from that incident; may be my behavior with that laundry man was wrong but I would have behaved similarly with a washer man from north, my behavior had nothing to do with region then why that demonic face gentleman brought the issue of region in our fight, I never wanted to insult that laundry man because of his region, color, caste or religion, I just wanted to insult him for being rude and common we all have that right in our Constitution, it’s called “Right to Freedom of speech and expression”.

Manager of my Brother-in-law once asked him in a meeting,”So, Rajat, how do you feel in Bengaluru?”

“I feel great sir, although when I was in North, I was an Indian, but when I came here, I became a North Indian”, he replied.

But it’s not about any Prakhar or Rajat, or any North Indian in south, it’s also the same for every south Indian in North, the way we behave with people is what matters the most. Instead of being a regionalist and a complete douche bag, think about India for a minute. Think about our Creepy “All Indians are my brothers and whatever” Pledge and for crying out loud, think about the time when India won the cricket world cup, didn’t you hugged everyone with joy or were you choosy because of their region. I was at India gate that night, and I didn’t hesitate one moment before celebrating my joy for my country with a stranger who could have been from south, east, or west.

Be an Indian before tagging yourself as a North Indian or South Indian.

This Is Prakhar Gupta, Indian By birth asking you to stay safe and healthy. Have a nice day.

*Anyone who finds it offensive can sue me according to Article 420 of Indian Constitution which states “Go Screw yourself, I don’t care”. True Story.

Who you really want to be,Son????

Last year’s movie Inception Taught us many things like getting piss-ass drunk and start believing that you are in a dream within a dream within a dream until you realize that you are lying in a gutter with dog aiming his piss at your face like a counter terrorist aiming sniper at a terrorist in Counter Strike and in my View, Inception’s ending which still remains a mystery is nothing but a bunch of mentally challenged morons with drinking problem locked up in asylum, but we aren’t here to make fun of one of the greatest and mind boggling movie of all time and also one of the favorite movie of mine.We are here to discuss about dreams. Dreams are successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep (yup, I referred Wikipedia for that because, hey Wikipedia knows everything, bitch).

Inception categorized dreams in 3 stages

-Single stage

-Double stage

-Triple stage

And then there was limbo but that’s all about the movie. In reality or rather say according to the topic of this blog, there are only two types of dreams.

One you watch while sleeping and the one which you watch with wide open eyes (now don’t go all Duh on me, I know everyone knows that but the blog isn’t over here so keep on reading)

Day dreaming is often termed as fantasy(Funny thing about fantasy which only holds true for guys is that when you say or read this word your brain automatically draw a sexy-scantily clad-blonde provoking your thoughts, if you know what I mean…;)) but that’s not all about fantasizing.

Sometimes you fantasize about being a superhero or the lone survivor of zombie apocalypse fighting and saving the remaining people or someone else but mostly a hero, I mean who in their right mind would choose to be a villain in his own dreams until and unless you are picturizing yourself as The Joker from The Dark knight, that’s something cool.

Cinema has always been a source of influence for me. I take my share of motivation from both Bollywood and Hollywood movies and I don’t know how many of you felt the same way but whenever I came out of a theater after watching an action flick, all I want to do is kick some ass.

And this influence of movies on me is not new, I remember, after watching Sarfarosh I turned to my Father and said “I am going to be an ACP” and my father was laughing at my ignorance. As I grew up, my career preferences changed with every Friday’s release. After Border I turned to my Father and said “Dad, I am going to be a Soldier and save this country” and some other patriotic Sunny deol dialogues which I don’t remember now. But what I never realized that my father already had plans for me, you see, he belongs to that generation which has always portrayed doctors as GOD, no doubt they are and engineers as Engineers babu saving the God damn village from flood by building dams and whoring around in village with the most sexiest village girl you can ever imagine but they never used MS excel and MS PowerPoint for that because back then engineers were really engineers(minus the dance sequence and action scenes with the village Zamindar and not like today’s clerical engineers using all those aforementioned MS Soft ware’s).

So after watching one lame TV serial about doctors where female doctors were sexy, nurses were sexy, female patient were sexy, hell even the “Kaamwali bai” were sexy, so I turned to my father with my “I- am-going-to-be” expressions on face one more time but before I could utter a single word he, for the first time, said “look, the only thing common between you and a doctor is your handwriting and I too know why you want to be a Doctor pervert” and he raised the question for the first time “So except doctor, who you really want to be, Son”

Although my brain ordered me to say Superman or Batman but hearing this choice of profession from a 16 year old boy would have definitely given a heart attack to my father so I decided to go for little less heroic yet easy profession(or that’s what I used to think about engineering before college but now I know that neither it’s heroic Cause I am not building dams and saving the pretty young girls with my undies over my pants nor it’s easy for college students to pass this direct-from-hell course without getting a back in any subject)

Upon completion of engineering and almost one year at job, me and my father sat down, had a little face to face confrontation involving mostly about my job and life. After hearing “Dard Bhari” Story of an engineer, he laid down many options in front of me, mostly involving mountains of books and head spinning, mind twisting study and I bluntly said no to each and every option which brought us to the end of conversation with one final question.

“Who you really want to be, Son?????”My father inquired.

I stammered first and then in crystal clear voice I answered, “I DON’T KNOW………”

Of Broken dreams and empty pockets (every engineer’s story)

As a kid we all had dreams of becoming something big, I mean in childhood you don’t run around saying that one day you will be an “engineer working your ass off for a corporation who don’t give a damn about you and your package will be the lowest of all time” but instead you want to achieve certain goals, certain ends, certain something that will make you stand out among a group, make you the best among the rest but that’s the beauty of childhood, you live in delusions without realizing that your dreams will always remain dreams.

Most of us as a kid dream of becoming a superhero and you just can’t say no to that and still some of us Daydream about being a superhero and pray to god to grant us some kind of superpower(although for that you need to fulfill certain criteria’s like being an alien from krypton or insanely rich to make a giant bat suit or iron suit to just fly around giving a smug smile or go under some kind of mutancy by getting yourself bit by a spider {*kids these stupid “bit-by-spider-stunts” are performed by super idiots so don’t try them at yourself}  to liberate ourselves from the pathetic life that has turn out to be esp. after 4 awesome college years and you can’t say no to that too.

And it’s not that people have not fulfilled their dreams, look at sachin tendulkar, the ordinary boy next door turn out to be the God of billions or shahrukh khan, the only superstar of bollywood without any film industry connection or Lionel messi,who served tea in a restaurant to support his football practice but the probability of your son turning into next sachin or shahrukh or  messi or let’s say a rocket scientist(don’t want to hurt nerds) or Mother Teresa(don’t want to hurt girls either, I mean who in their right mind would hurt such a beautiful and delicate creation of God, Thank you God for such a wonderful gift to Mankind, what were we talking about…oh yes, pardon my pervetness,back to the topic) is like one in billion.

After all that dreaming and working hard till high school, you decided to do something extraordinary (or that’s what you thought about engineering) and said “hey,lets piss on my dreams and Hard work and screw myself for eternity, but how can I do that????Yes I can do that by doing engineering. And you stood up in slow motion like a badass and said the worst line of all time “I AM GOING TO BE AN ENGINEER”

And I really don’t know why Indian parents have a thing for engineering. Why are they so fascinated by this pain-in-the-ass Engineering. May be because of the old Hindi movies of 70’s and 80’s in which engineer is not merely an engineer but he is “ENGINEER BABU” making dam for the village, dancing around with the local sexy siren of the village(funny fact-I am still looking for that village where village girls wear revealing clothes like the one they show in Hindi movies) and in the end saving that pretty, innocent yet inappropriately dressed village girl from getting raped by the evil landlord or his son(but it’s not their mistake, she was clearly asking for it or at least that’s what her dress made them think).

The point is, where is engineering in all that and where is engineering in what most of the current generation engineers do, I mean, you can’t call working on Excel as engineering and the serious point is “are we really engineers” I mean after 4 years in college and exactly 239 days at work, I am still not sure about what does an engineer do. We crush our dreams to shoulder our parent’s expectations even if we suck at fulfilling those expectations.

I have already said this earlier, Don’t be Spiderman, don’t stick to one thing, explore things, make your life count and do what you really want to do instead of following the footsteps as if you are a part of a herd of sheep and I know that it’s easy being preachy but at least late realization is still a realization.

So, Apart from telling my kids about “how I met their mother”, I am also going to let them choose their career option (P.S.-Conditions Applied..:p)

Don’t be Spiderman, Be superman, be everywhere, achieve all your dreams.

This is Prakhar Gupta.Have a nice day.

 

6 Types of Friends in your Life

We meet new people every day. In college, In office, in metro, and yes how can you not include face book in this list(though the probability of getting accepted by a new girl who by any chance is not a fake profile is very rare).but still we make new friends and so on….

But this is not about the new so called “Facebook friends” that we make. This is a real life scenario; this is about holding on to a relation in spite of the distances between and still having the same feeling and emotions as they used to be. This is about the Type of Friends in your Life and the type which you will meet further.

1.    Siblings(If you don’t have a sibling curse your parents not me because my list won’t change)

 The very first lesson of friendship and Enemiship (yeah, I know, it’s not correct, but who cares, so shut up and read) we learn is because of our siblings. we play stupid games with them and after those games if we lose (which we always do) we fight with them but no matter what this is the most beautiful relation you hold on this earth (if you are two brothers, than I am not kidding but this is when you get the basics of a very unique education called “Bro Codes” Education, True Story)

 2.       Parents

Yes, in my list of friends parents come second. Though you may say that they are the one who take care of us and all other stuff but ask yourself, with whom you had the most amazing time of your childhood, sibling or you parents??

No doubt nobody in this world can replace parents but when it comes to friendship all your childhood secrets (from “who ate the cookie” to “Who is having a girlfriend”) were known to your siblings and not to your parents.

 3.       Childhood Friends

 This friendship starts when for the first time you step out of your house.

It’s the “Kid-next-door”.

This friendship is the most innocent phase of your life. But sadly, you won’t remember much about this for long. The older you get, more hazed those memories will get. May be some of us still have those childhood friends but Geographical distances create emotional boundaries between this particular friendship.

 4.       High school friends

 Aahh, yes, the slambook friends of yours, Back then filling slambook was considered the bond of friendship. And you are one lucky guy if your name is in the slam book of most of the girls of your class. It was matter of pride for you and other guys will hate you for sure, even your best friends. The slam book friendship is only for a small span of your life, once you are out of school, End of story. Only a few will be in touch no matter how hard you try to remain Friends with all of them though you made a promise during your school farewell that you’ll remain in touch but you failed.

This is also the phase where you will meet Leechers (in Bit torrent terminology it is “people who are not sharing what they have but are downloading what you have”) or Backstabbers, They will be your friends only for purpose, if you are a class representative or Head boy, you will suddenly find yourself surrounded by leechers.You will have these guys in your face book account but you will never even say hi to them.

Call it an irony but some of my best Friends are from this phase of my life and I love them all.Ishant Bansal, Nikhil Upadhyay, Nishchaya Jain, Saurabh Singh and Swati Upadhyay(Names in Alphabetical order) this is for you guys.

5.       College Friends

 The Most Awesome and Amazing time of your life is incomplete without the most awesome and amazing friends of your life. They know everything about you, even more than your parents. They have seen you laughing hysterically and crying childishly. They have seen your ups and downs. They know all about your past, living with you in your present and definitely can write an entire 40 page UPTU External semester paper sheet describing your future and will even ask for an extra B copy. They were with you during your happiest moments, shared your grief when you were beaten down and you know that you can rely on these shoulders. If parents taught you how to walk, these friends made you sprint.

JD,D2,Shatty,Shrey,Sankalp(Damu),Sunny(saanp),Sumit(Daru), Sambhav,Hitesh ,Lokesh,ayush,ankur,nika,Gandhi,Imran,Prashant(munga),Prashant Varshney,Muddu ,chichi,Manu,Sanchit Goel,Dhruv ,Arpit ,Prakhar Pandey,Nishant(Rahat/Roadies/Chennai Wala),Vikku,Vibhu,Veeru,VP,Mino,Sanchit srivastava,Shantanu (Ganja),Rashid,Syed and all the others(sorry if I am Forgetting someone),this one is for you guys….Miss you all.

6.       Parents

Yes, I didn’t mention much about them in the previous paragraph. Because you were a kid in that paragraph, a kid for whom parents are not friends but caretakers, the one who fulfill your dreams, your demands and desires without any complaints. But now you have seen life, you know how hard it is, you know the value of true friendship.

You no longer Crave for restaurants or Crappy outside food, easy money is no longer a delusion for you, you have realized that your mother is a brilliant cook and your father works hard to earn money, pay taxes, save money and yet fulfill all your stupid demands and pay for your bills.

Yes, your parents are your real friends; you just don’t realize this at the right time. Parents are like Batman, you have a guarding angel on your shoulder whose presence you can feel but all you see is Bruce Wayne (got it????Me neither but it sounded cool…:P)

 We make Friends, we forget friends. We get busy or stay in touch with friends but no matter what we all have friends.

You might not be a brother or sister or an uncle or aunt or a nephew or niece to someone but you will always be a friend to someone.

This is Prakhar Gupta.Have a Nice day.

 

 

10 Reasons for “Why you should Watch Don :2″

As I left my cozy bed to go for the last show of the night of Don: 2 around 9 which mean driving bike in the spine chilling cold breeze of December, my mind was questioning its own thinking ability.

“How can you forget that hangover and headache you had after RA-ONE? Or those dreadful and horrifying dreams of RA-ONE and GAY-ONE Video Game fight Scenes?”Asked the “Film Critic” inside me.

But then I realize that since I haven’t done anything since morning except for just wondering what I can do today, so I dragged my Lazy and angry-at-me ass to go for Don: 2

Without wasting any time here, So Here Goes the list of 10 reasons why you should watch Don: 2…..

1-Movie start with a promising note which means action scene in the beginning of the movie and for the first time, action looked good on SRK.

2-Action is the main USP of the movie which will keep your interest in the movie throughout.

3-Farhan Akhtar Did a good narration of the story which was well written and for the first time ever i heard the Word “Touche” or “Kinky” in a Hindi Movie which means that the directed tried to give it a Hollywood touch not only in action but also in dialogues and he succeeded in that.

4-Thank God there is only one song-dance sequence in this movie although SRK wore black sunglasses inside a club and instead of Running away from police preferred to dance (one of the few loop holes of movie).

5-Talking of loop holes, which Moron came up with the idea of taking Hrithik as a body double of SRK.I mean, come on idiots how can a guy of around 6 feet Height and broad shoulders can be used as body double of a Person who is both short and less broad than Priyanka Chopra.But the Chase scene after that is pretty good and will make you forget that stupid mistake.

6-Everyone acted well, Yes SRK too(unbelievable, Right????).

7-So if you are Family guy, your kids will definitely drag you to watch their Favorite Gay Icon (after Justin beiber)

8-If you are newly married or in a relationship, there is no romantic or Christmas or New Year theme movie in theatres, so you don’t have any choice for these winter vacations.

9-And last but not the least, if you are a single guy, well than you really don’t have any option. So,enough with porno,go out and watch something else too.

10-I just needed to complete the 10^th point and nothing was coming in my mind so it’s a blank.

Well since I am not a critic who would use big and complicated, difficult-to-spell words to describe acting or Story or action or cinematography (I just put this one to make me look more authentic, I actually don’t know the true meaning of this word “Cinematography” or what does a cinematographer do),although I could Google difficult words but that would be lame(talking of lame,SRK Really need to get over with that kkkkkk kiran style, which he does in all his movies)

This is the first time I shot down the Film Critic Inside of me so that the entertainment lover can enjoy a well directed movie by Farhan Akhtar.

P.S.-If after reading this post,you decided to watch the movie and you didn’t like it at all than the writer of this blog will not be responsible for your money loss and please don’t curse him.

This is Prakhar Gupta.Merry Christmas and have a nice day.

Obsession Never Kills (So,Why So Serious????)

Have you ever heard of a man dying because of obsession? Well you may say that people die because of alcohol but that’s not their obsession for alcohol, it’s their addiction? So here I ask again..

Have you ever heard of a man dying because of obsession? well you may say that people kill themselves because those morons were dumped by their love interest(read-Bitches) but no that’s not obsession with a person that force them to take their life that’s their possessiveness for that person.

So till now it’s pretty much clear that obsession has never ever hurt a person although according to “I-KNOW-EVERYTHING-BITCH” Wikipedia’s dictionary called Wiktionary(and I am not making this up, they literally named it Wiktionary) Obsession is a “compulsive or irrational preoccupation”. Got it??????

Well let me clarify it…it means “Wikipedia sucks big time” cause when I searched the word obsession it also showed me the link of a pornographic actress known as “obsession” who by the way was not hot (wasted my time, I was getting excited).So the word obsession is not a harmful word which is used by wise people (read-frustrated people) against you to show you that you are totally obsessed with things that irritate them.

From past few days I keep hearing this word from people’s mouth about me being obsessed about certain things.

But wait, you don’t know what I am obsessed with and since I will post this blog on FB so I can’t write certain things which by the way every guy in this world is obsessed with and you know what I mean. So here goes the List.

1-Football

2-Manchester united

3-The Dark Knight (lost count of how many times I have seen this movie).

4-Joker’s acting in The Dark Knight

5- And that’s it, in the mean time I have to pretend to work in my office too (not an obsession, cause this obsession can literally kill you).

To be obsessed with something and I repeat something and not someone, is not harmful. It’s your obsession that define your personality, It’s your obsession that make you realize who you are, it’s your obsession which makes you “YOU” again. Without obsession, life is nothing but an old cassette stuck in your old cassette player repeating itself again and again and irritating you again and again (and seriously if you still have those cassette players than you really need an obsession).

So find something (not someone) to hang on to because that SOMEONE might leave you one day but that SOMETHING will stay with you forever.

This is Prakhar Gupta asking you one more question for One of the many last times Cause I will Ask again

“Why so serious, let’s put a smile on your face”

Have a Nice Obsessed Day……(don’t ask me what an obsessed day is,even i don’t know.I wrote it because it sounded cool……:p)

For the First Time

For the First Time.